Math, Middle-School Boys and Cookies

I subbed math today at Dixon Middle School where my brothers, sisters and kids all went to middle school (I went to Tomlinson Junior High in Lawton, Oklahoma). I got to sub Math which is my second favorite subject to teach after English.

The first half of the day were the kids in main-line classes and the the second half was for resource and special-ed. The special-ed kids try super hard, but disabilities make learning hard. The resource-student, junior gang-bangers were trying to push buttons while I was trying to help those with disabilities, so I was getting frustrated. During forth period, twenty minutes before the lunch bell rung, I decided to mess with the rotten kids. I had already sent one to the office for threats, disruptions and profanity and I wanted to lower the stress level just a little.

I pulled out the pack of cookies I had set aside for lunch and started looking at them. These kids, especially the boys, were starving. I opened the package slowly. Smelled the cookies loudly. Picked one out and sniffed it as if it were a fine cigar. I acted like I was going to eat it, put it back, then quickly snatched it back and gobbled it down greedily. I then sighed loudly and drank from my bottle of Coke.

I then ate the entire pack except one. I held it up and addressing the one boy who looked like he was about to cry from lunch anticipation, I told him I was going to put it in my pocket and save it until I went home. This kid also happened to be the loudest and most abrasive, but he is a middle-school boy after all and his stomach is still more important than his homies, the girls or mathematics in particular.

Every once in a while before the bell rang I would pull it out and smell it again.

He was in agony.

Between classes during hall monitoring, I would pull the cookie out and show it to him whenever I saw him. He was funny about it, but his friends teased him a lot.

Finally at the end of the day as I was exiting the building, I passed him as he was waiting at the main entrance for his mom and ate the cookie right in front of him. I told him how it tasted, but he said he already knew what Triple Double Oreos tasted like with a grumble and a huff. He told me I was a punk, but I responded that every time I ate an Oreo from then on I would think of him.

Man, I love middle-school boys.


8 thoughts on “Math, Middle-School Boys and Cookies

  1. Oooo, boy… that is brilliant, but I think you’ll cop some flak for kid torturing….
    thought I’d zip in before any one else and say …YEAH, that was laugh out loud funny…
    …. bring the P.C. noise.

      • …can you get on the roster for gun toting before your next class?…
        …(yes, out here in the rest of the world, a good many of us think that american teachers are armed like Rambo… guess you guys shouldna invented TV….

      • Utah being one of the most conservative/Republican American State is odd in that it is legal for a teacher or anyone else to carry a weapon in class if the teacher has a conceal-and-carry permit, but the individual schools and school-districts do not condone the practice restricting firearms to only the police (yay!).

        The NRA-type gun lobbies want to force the schools (and churches) to allow teachers or anyone else to carry a concealed handgun if they wanted to, but I think it is a horrible idea.

        Most professional teachers I know think it is stupid as well even if they own guns of their own. I wouldn’t carry any way, because then you have to be worried about the kids stealing your gun and using it on you or on each other.

        I do own a rifle (an unasked for, spontaneous gift from my father — “Well, here you go”) and I know how to use most types of fire-arms from my military experience, but I am not so timid to think I need to carry a concealed handgun with me everywhere. I personally think most men who carry suffer from Napoleon-complex or only have a two incher, so they compensate in every way they can think to.

      • : )…. didn’t think it was as insane as it looks from out here…. have travelled relatively extensively in the states and was bemused that everyone wasn’t armed to the teeth…like on the tv…. worked it out eventually!

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